I was never in the peace corps.

Jane Smith

John Smith: [talking about their predicament] So what do we do, Jane? Shoot it out here? Hope for the best?
Jane Smith: Well, that would be bad because they would probably ask me to leave once you are dead.

Jane Smith: [dancing with John, he's just finished searching her for weapons] Satisfied?
John Smith: Not for years.

John Smith: That left of yours is a thing of beauty.
Jane Smith: Mmm. You take it well.

John Smith: You live with your mom, Eddie.
Eddie: [offended] Why would you bring her into this, she happens to be a first class lady!

John Smith: Come to Daddy.
Jane Smith: [after she bashes him with a teapot and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?

Eddie: You gotta take this bitch out!
John Smith: Don't tell me how to handle my wife.

John Smith: Dance with me.
Jane Smith: You don't dance.
John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover too?

Your aim's as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and that's saying something!

John Smith

[after firing a rocket launcher] We should so not be allowed to buy these.

John Smith

Eddie: Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.
Jane Smith: This lying bitch?
Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.

Marriage Counselor: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane Smith: 8.
John Smith: Wait. Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John Smith: Ok. Ready?
Jane Smith, John Smith: 8.

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Mr. & Mrs. Smith Quotes

Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gaspard.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.

John Smith: Hiya, stranger.
Jane Smith: Hiya back.