Eddie: This broad is not your wife, she's the enemy.
John Smith: She tried to kill me.
Eddie: They all try to kill you. Slowly, painfully, cripplingly, and then wham. They hurt you. How you going to handle it?
John Smith: [grabs assault rifle] I'm going to borrow this.
Eddie: I like where your head's at, man.

Lucky: What? You're looking for a job or something?
John Smith: You are the job.
[John kills everybody in the room]
John Smith: [looking at the cards at the table] Pair of threes.

John Smith: Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details but the punchline... you die.

There's nowhere I'd rather be than here with you.

Jane Smith

Jane Smith: You ever have trouble sleeping after?
John Smith: No.
Jane Smith: Me neither.

Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gaspard.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.

[both have discovered that they were on the desert and one tried to kill the other]
John Smith: I missed you.
Jane Smith: I missed you too.

Jane Smith: There's this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *don't* say to each other. What's that called?
Marriage Counselor: Marriage.

Marriage Counselor: How often do you have sex?
Jane Smith: I don't understand the question.

[about the new curtains Jane bought]
Jane Smith: If you don't like them we can take them back.
John Smith: All right, I don't like them.
Jane Smith: [pause] You'll get used to them.

John Smith: [both pointing guns at each other; John drops his] You want it? It's yours.
Jane Smith: Don't! C'mon! C'mon!

[John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar]
Jane Smith: Where've you been?
John Smith: I just went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.
Jane Smith: How'd you do?
John Smith: I got Lucky.

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Mr. & Mrs. Smith Quotes

Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John Smith: Jean-Luc Gaspard.
Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.
John Smith: I got it.

John Smith: Hiya, stranger.
Jane Smith: Hiya back.