We are number one. All others are number two, or lower.

The Sphinx

The Shoveller: Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
Lucille: Honey, you shovel better than any man I've ever known, but that does not make you a super hero.
[the Shoveller starts to say something, but Lucille cuts him off]
Lucille: No, listen to me. You're a good husband, and a good father. But that's all. Nothing more.
[she walks offscreen, a small boy wearing a Captain Amazing T-shirt hugs The Shoveller's leg]
Roland, The Shoveler's Son: I believe in you, Daddy!
Lucille: [calling from off-screen] Roland, do *not* encourage your father.

I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines.

Mr. Furious

I'm a superhero, Mother. An effete British superhero.

The Blue Raja

Dr. Heller: That's a high-temperature fabric adhesive liquid projector, based on simple dry-cleaning technology. You aim that at a guy, and I'll tell you something: his clothes get so tight he can't even breathe.

A fish-fork is no match for my machine!

Casanova Frankenstein

Monica: I don't find you threatening.
Mr. Furious: Oh! Well, you're very, uh... you're very, uh... kind.
Monica: At all.

I have created a beautiful machine that is going to encourage our fellow citizens to share my vision of the future! Can you dig it?

Casanova Frankenstein

We're not your classic heros. We're the other guys.

The Shoveller

We've got a blind date with Destiny - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster.

The Shoveller

[to her father's skull, after avenging his death] OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.

The Bowler

May the forks be with us.

The Blue Raja

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Mystery Men Quotes

You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums.

The Sphinx

The Shoveller: Lucille, God gave me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.
Lucille: Honey, you shovel better than any man I've ever known, but that does not make you a super hero.
[the Shoveller starts to say something, but Lucille cuts him off]
Lucille: No, listen to me. You're a good husband, and a good father. But that's all. Nothing more.
[she walks offscreen, a small boy wearing a Captain Amazing T-shirt hugs The Shoveller's leg]
Roland, The Shoveler's Son: I believe in you, Daddy!
Lucille: [calling from off-screen] Roland, do *not* encourage your father.