Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!

Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?

Clark

Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.

Clark

Clark Griswald: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.

Audrey Griswold: [Looking at Vicki's trophy for hog raising] Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool you know.
Cousin Vicki: Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this?

Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.

  • Permalink: No shit.
  • Added:

Clark, what are you doing?

Ellen Griswold

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.

Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!
Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...
Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!
Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...
Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...
Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

Ellen Griswald: We're not really violent people. This is our first gun.
Clark Griswald: No, it isn't.

Aunt Edna: You're the ones who sent me the fruitcake for Christmas. It made me so sick!
Ellen Griswold: Oh - we're sorry. We thought you enjoyed fruitcake.
Aunt Edna: Do you enjoy throwing up every five minutes Claude?
Clark: Clark.
Aunt Edna: I thought so. Whew! Well am I gonna eat, or am I gonna starve to death?

Rusty Griswold: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ...
Clark: [proudly] ... 50 yards...

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National Lampoon's Vacation Quotes

Audrey Griswold: Mom, where can I go to the bathroom?
Ellen Griswold: Find a bush Audrey!

Ellen Griswold: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough fun for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
Clark: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.