Rusty Griswold: Wow dad, we must have jumped that rail by like 50 yards.
Clark: Nothing to be proud of Russ...
Clark: [proudly] ... 50 yards...

Ellen Griswald: We're not really violent people. This is our first gun.
Clark Griswald: No, it isn't.

Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!
Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...
Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!
Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...
Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...
Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

Clark, what are you doing?

Ellen Griswold

Clark: We're from out of town.
Man Giving Directions: No shit.

Audrey Griswold: [Looking at Vicki's trophy for hog raising] Uh, don't take this personally, Vicki; but being a farmer isn't too cool you know.
Cousin Vicki: Oh, yeah? Well, how cool is this?

Clark Griswald: So, this is the old homestead, eh?
Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.

Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun. You know that.


Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?


Clark: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. You're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna have fun... We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we're gonna need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of your assholes! I must be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
Rusty Griswold: [Grabs Clark's shoulder] Dad, you want an aspirin?
Clark: Don't touch!

Clark: I'm just trying to treat my family to a little fun.
Ellen Griswold: Oh spare me, Clark, I know your brand of family fun. Tomorrow you'll probably kill the desk clerk, hold up a McDonalds, and drive us 1000 miles out of the way to see the world's largest pile of mud!

Motorcycle Cop: Do you know what the penalty for animal cruelty is in this state?
Clark: No, sir, I don't.
Motorcycle Cop: Well... it's probably pretty stiff.

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National Lampoon's Vacation Quotes

Ellen Griswold: Clark, what are you doing?
Clark: We watch his program... We buy his toys, we go to his movies... he owes us. Doesn't he owe us, huh? He owes the Griswolds, right? Fucking-A right he owes us!

Ellen Griswold: Stay in the car! It's hot and dangerous out here.
Aunt Edna: Don't you tell me what to do, I'll do what I want! I should never have come on this trip with you, I should have taken an airplane... and he...
Aunt Edna: He shouldn't even have a license to drive an automobile! He should be BEHIND BARS!
Ellen Griswold: SIT down and SHUT UP! Move outta that seat and I'll split your lip!