Woody Grant: Where's my teeth?
David Grant: You lost your teeth?
Receptionist: [after telling Woody he hasn't won the money] I can give you a free gift. Would you like a hat or a seat cushion?
David Grant: Dad? Do you want a hat or a seat cushion.
Woody Grant: I'll take a hat.
Woody Grant: So long, Albert.
Uncle Albert: So long, Woody.
David Grant: ...and all your brothers are coming over today, remember?
Woody Grant: Some of 'em are dead.
David Grant: The dead ones won't be here.
Have a drink with your old man. Be somebody!Woody Grant
Kate Grant: Why do you want meatloaf if it isn't even on the dinner menu?
Woody Grant: 'cause I like it.
Waitress: What can I get you?
Woody Grant: Do you have any meatloaf?
Waitress: No, that's only part of our lunch specials.
Kate Grant: He'll have the chicken.
Waitress: Fried or grilled?
Woody Grant: ...fried.
Kate Grant: He'll have it grilled. I think I'd like the roast beef, but I'm not entirely sure. What do you recommend?
Waitress: Everything's all good ma'am, but I especially like the tilapia.
Kate Grant: Oh, then I'll have the roast beef.
David Grant: ...I'll have the tilapia.
[Kate lifts her dress and flashes a tombstone] You see this? You could have had all this to yourself, and look what you missed out on.Kate Grant
Aunt Betty: Now Kate, we only want what's fair and what's fair is if Woody lends us back some money.
Kate Grant: You can all go fuck yourselves!
I ain't fiddlin' with no cow titties. I'm a city girl!Kate Grant
David Grant: How did she die?
Kate Grant: Saw herself in the mirror one day.
[upon learning Woody has "won" a million dollars] I never knew the son of a bitch even wanted to be a millionaire! He should have thought about that years ago and worked for it!Kate Grant
Receptionist: Does he have Alzheimer's?
David Grant: No, he just believes what people tell him.
Receptionist: That's too bad.