Jedediah: I don't want to be manhandled!
Larry: No! I will manhandle you Jedadiah! Whats your problem? Why can't you all just get along?
Jedediah: We're men, we fight okay? Thats what we do!
Octavius: Its kinda how we pass the time.

I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?

Teddy Roosevelt

[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?

Teddy Roosevelt

[about Sacajawea]
Larry: Was she deaf? She seems a bit unresponsive.
Rebecca: That's because she's a statue...

Larry: [speaking to Civil War diorama figures] The North wins. Slavery is bad. But the South has the Allman brothers...
[hesitates]
Larry: ... and... NASCAR.

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Night at the Museum Quotes

Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

Teddy Roosevelt

You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]

Larry