I'm just living the Dream, Baby!

Jedediah

Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

Teddy Roosevelt

Jedediah: I don't want to be manhandled!
Larry: No! I will manhandle you Jedadiah! Whats your problem? Why can't you all just get along?
Jedediah: We're men, we fight okay? Thats what we do!
Octavius: Its kinda how we pass the time.

Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my names Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny.
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me sound like a freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.

I'm made of wax, Larry. What are you made of?

Teddy Roosevelt

[after seeing Larry slapping Dexter] Dear Lord Larry! Why are you slapping the monkey?

Teddy Roosevelt

[Monkey slaps Larry on the head, Larry retaliates] Lawrence, who's evolved?

Teddy Roosevelt

[about Sacajawea]
Larry: Was she deaf? She seems a bit unresponsive.
Rebecca: That's because she's a statue...

Larry: [speaking to Civil War diorama figures] The North wins. Slavery is bad. But the South has the Allman brothers...
[hesitates]
Larry: ... and... NASCAR.

[Showing lighter to cavemen] Hey guys? Quest for fire, over.

Larry

Larry: Ah yes, he was our fourth president, right?
Rebecca: Twenty-sixth

Jedadiah: I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.
[gun clicks empty]
Larry: Yeah. Keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen.
Jedadiah: Now you know my shame. Jedadiah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

Ben Stiller stars as a museum guard who works at the Natural History Musuem when the collection starts coming to life.

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Night at the Museum Quotes

Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

Teddy Roosevelt

You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]

Larry