Jedadiah: I'm gonna shoot you in your dang eye. In your dadgum eye.
[gun clicks empty]
Larry: Yeah. Keep shootin'. Nothing's gonna happen.
Jedadiah: Now you know my shame. Jedadiah's impotent rage. His guns don't fire. Take me away.

Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn, is there?

Cecil: [while Larry is chasing Cecil] These are trained horses, Larry. They won't stop until they hear a specific word.
Larry: Oh, you mean a word like... DAKOTA!

Jedediah: Fire up the iron horse, boys.
Larry: Hey, blondie!
Jedediah: Names Jedadiah.
Larry: Jedadiah, stop the train, please!
Jedediah: No can do, crackerjack.
Larry: Whats going on here?
Jedediah: Somebodys got to pay.
Larry: Pay for what?
Jedediah: I don't know, just pay! Now stop whining and take it like a man!
Larry: Seriously, stop the train!
Jedediah: Alright, stop the train.
Larry: Thank you.
Jedediah: NOW FULL SPEED AHEAD AND RAM HIM! SPLIT HIS HEAD LIKE A WATERMELON!
Larry: [Train hits Larry] Ooh! Ow...
Jedediah: Oh, for crying out loud!

Stop babbling, boy!

Teddy Roosevelt

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Night at the Museum Quotes

Some are born great, others have greatness thrust upon them.

Teddy Roosevelt

You're an old man, I don't want to fight you.
[Gus punches Larry in the face]

Larry