There's water in the basement, and the pilot light is out.

Tess Ocean

If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Halloween would fall on the same date.

Danny Ocean

Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
Linus Caldwell: [sarcastically] Ooooooooooh.

[to Linus] Who died and made you Danny?

Turk Malloy

Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.

Linus Caldwell: What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Danny Ocean: She's seven.

Let me break it down for you like a fraction.

Frank Catton

Virgil Malloy: Doesn't this guy believe in fresh air?
Rusty Ryan: He opens the second floor window every now and then.
Virgil Malloy: What does that mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means he opens the second floor window every now and then.

Rusty Ryan: Oh! Oh he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos have you had?
Danny Ocean: Five.

Danny Ocean: How old do you think I am?
Virgil Malloy: 48?
Danny Ocean: You think I'm 48 years old?
Virgil Malloy: 52?

And tell him he dresses like a gigolo!

Roman Nagel

[watching "Happy Days" in Italian] That guy doing Potsie is unbelievable.

Danny Ocean

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Ocean's Twelve Quotes

[watching "Happy Days" in Italian] That guy doing Potsie is unbelievable.

Danny Ocean

Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
Linus Caldwell: [sarcastically] Ooooooooooh.