SEAN! You're my same height, that is neat.

Don.Durkett

Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Lance

Ashley: You know how you told me that every night before you go to bed you'd pray that you'd get into Stanford?
Shaun: Yeah?
Ashley: Well the other night I prayed for something too.
Shaun: What?
Ashley: I prayed... that you wouldn't get into Stanford.
Shaun: [astonished] Why?
Ashley: Well I didn't really think it was gonna work!

A writer? What do you have to write about? You're not oppressed. You're not gay.

Bud Brumder

Principal Harbert: People, June is just around the corner, let's talk graduation speakers. Ideas?
Shaun: Toni Morrison, she's in town that same weekend for a book signing. She's won the Nobel Prize.
Principal Harbert: Interesting... Dana, didn't you say you have a cousin who was friends with Britney spears?

Shaun: Mom, you know money can't buy happiness...
Cindy: Oh grow up, yes it can!
Shaun: But you and Dad have money and you're both miserable.
Cindy: ...He's miserable?

Look Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford. But if you think that going here is the only way that you can be the person you want to be, well then I just feel sorry for you.

Ashley

Shaun: Lance, I want you to stay in your room.
Lance: Why?
Shaun: Because you're an embarrassment.
Lance: OK!

[Exhales at his ex-wife] I need a drink. Do you have any beer, Coyote Ugly?

Bud Brumder

Shaun: What are you doing lying there?
Lance: Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?
Shaun: Yeah.
Lance: Awesome, man.

You think you're going to create a T-shirt company? You can't even dress yourself!

Shaun

So I married Bob, for you! I had sex with Bob four times for you! So how can you call me a bad mother?

Cindy

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Orange County Quotes

Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Lance

Shaun: I have to go to college.
Cindy: Why?
Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.