Lou: Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?
Gil: Way to be supportive, Lou.

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Tod

[on parenting] It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening.

Frank

Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.

Gil

Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.

Karen: Do you really have to go?
Gil: My whole life is "have to."

Julie: He said that he loved me.
Helen: Men say that. They all say that. Then they cum.

Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.

Gil

What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?

Garry

Karen: I happen to LIKE the roller coaster, okay? As far as I'm concerned, your grandmother is brilliant.
Gil: Yeah if she's so brilliant why is she sitting in our NEIGHBOR'S CAR?

[Gil sees Justin wearing nothing but a gunbelt]
Gil: That's what you're wearing to bed? You'll catch a cold!
[Justin puts on a cowboy hat]
Gil: Perfect!
[Karen enters]
Gil: Karen, how about after the kids are asleep... (referring to Justin.) I wear this outfit?

[referring to the porno tape on the TV]
Grandma: What channel is this?
Helen: No, grandma, this is a tape.
Grandma: [to Susan] She really needs a man.

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Parenthood Quotes

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Tod

I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

Julie