[referring to the porno tape on the TV]
Grandma: What channel is this?
Helen: No, grandma, this is a tape.
Grandma: [to Susan] She really needs a man.

Julie: I can't do this! This is too intense!
Helen: This is marriage!

Larry Buckman: Is that Grandma?
Frank: Yeah, she's still alive.
Larry Buckman: Jeez Grandma, you got short.
Grandma: I'm shrinking!
Larry Buckman: Bummer!

Tod: Has anyone seen my wife?
Helen: She's still at school. She has cheerleading practice.

Julie: I can't believe I trusted him...
Helen: Well, what did you expect from a kid like that?
Julie: Oh, Mom, back off. The last guy you dated stole our furniture.

They're bad dudes. That's why they call the game "Bad Dudes."

Gil

Lou: Hey, Gil, our boys finally gonna win one game?
Gil: Way to be supportive, Lou.

I give them six months. Three, if she cooks.

Helen

Frank: [watching Larry get thrown from a moving car and rolling up next to his feet] Who was that?
Larry Buckman: [Larry stands up and brushes himself off] Oh, just some friends of mine.
Frank: Friends? Friends slow down. Friends even stop!

l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex... you know. Or filmmaking.

Helen

Helen: Tod?
Tod: Yeah?
Helen: Do you want me to make you breakfast?
Tod: No thanks, Julie will.
Helen: Great.
[then adds under her breath]
Helen: I'll get the fire extinguisher.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Parenthood Quotes

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Tod

I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

Julie