What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?

Garry

Keep Patty away from Larry - suck the intelligence right out of her.

Gil

[on parenting] It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening.

Frank

Julie: He said that he loved me.
Helen: Men say that. They all say that. Then they cum.

Karen: Do you really have to go?
Gil: My whole life is "have to."

Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.

Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.

Gil

We'll throw away the TV. We'll perform Shakespeare in front of him.

Gil

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Tod

I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

Julie

l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex... you know. Or filmmaking.

Helen

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Parenthood Quotes

You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Tod

I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

Julie