Droz: Want some advice?
Tom: Well, yeah.
Droz: Well, here's all you need to know. Classes: nothing before 11. Beer: it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question. Will you have a car?
Tom: Uh, no.
Droz: Someone on your floor will. Find them and make friends with them on the first day.

What's this? You're wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see? Don't be that guy.

Droz

Stop the penis party!

Womynist

"A Bridge Too Far." Caine and Hackman in the same movie. This is my thesis man! This is my closing argument! I CAN STOP WATCHING TV!

Pigman

Droz: All right, what's your major?
Phys. Ed. Major: Phys. Ed
Droz: Phys. Ed? All right, stud, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.

Womynist #1: Fine Sam. Why don't we forget about fighting the phalacracy for a while and go have a good time.
Samantha: Exactly.

Droz: What's Your major?
Sanskrit Major: Sanskrit
Droz: Sanskrit. You are majoring in a 5,000-year-old, dead language?
Sanskrit Major: Yeah.

Womynist #2: You dated a white male?
Samantha: I was a freshman.
Womynist #1: Fresh-person, please!

Samantha: [at party] Hey, not bad, The Naked Guy showed.
Droz: All right, The Naked Guy! Now it's a party!

Pins and needles!

Pigman

Droz: Frog And Toad Are Friends, that's with the guy from The Clash, right?
Gutter: [confused] The...
Droz: The Clash. I don't know if you're aware of this, Gutter, but there actually was music recorded before 1989.

Jock: [at a party] What's up, babes?
Womynist #1: Pack up your rape culture and take a hike!
Jock: [holds up a beer] You want a brew dog?
Womynist #1: We're not interested in your penis!
Womynist #2: Wait, wait, I think he's offering us a beer.

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PCU Quotes

Katy: What about Naugahyde Windpipe?
Cecilia: Too metal.
Raji: Oedipus and the Mama's Boys.
Cecilia: Too college radio.
Deeje: My Johnson Is 12 Inches Long.
Cecilia: Interesting, but I don't think it's a band name.

Katy: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid."
Droz: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.