Annie: So what are you hiding from the law or is it just a bad nose job?
Penelope: Mhm, bad nose job.

Max: Good God, he licked me.
Lemon: Edward, don't lick Max.

Edward Vanderman Jr.: Try to remember - I'm your son.
Leonard Wilhern: That's exactly what I'm trying to forget!

Duty Cop: Detailed description?
Jessica Wilhern: Brown hair. Brown eyes.
[pause]
Jessica Wilhern: A uniquely pleasant personality.
Franklin Wilhern: Think pig.
Duty Cop: So she's a fat girl?

Penelope: Helaborasoreantalis. They're amazing; they bloom even in the winter.
Annie: That's cool.
Penelope: They just pop up without any help from anyone.
Annie: [laughs] Kind of like my ex-boyfriend, if you know what I mean.

Penelope: [telling her class her story] And we lived happily ever after - well, happily ever after so far at least.
Child #1: I don't get it. What does it mean?
Penelope: Well, you tell me what you think it means.
Child #2: Rich people stink!
Child #3: It's always the mothers fault.
Child #4: It's not the power of the curse - it's the power you give the curse.

Max: All Halloween I've been running into someone I used to know.
Penelope: [wearing a pig mask] This someone - she meant a lot to you?
Max: Yes, yes she did.
Penelope: What happened?
Max: I couldn't give her what she wanted.
Penelope: What did she want?
Max: To be free.

Journalist #1: Do you have any other pig parts?
Penelope: No!
Journalist #2: With such a large nose, do you smell better than the rest of us?
Penelope: [laughs] You tell me.

Wanda: Wait! He's still a blue-blood! He can break the curse.
Penelope: Max, I know this face repulses you... And I wouldn't, I wouldn't dream of asking you to accept it.
Max: No... No... No...
Penelope: But this isn't me, the real me is inside here somewhere just waiting to get out and you can make that happen and once the curse is broken I'll be just like anybody else.
Max: What if the curse doesn't get broken? What if the curse can never be broken?
Penelope: Then I'll kill myself. I promise, I promise I will.
Penelope: Marry me, Max. Marry me.
Max: I can't.
Penelope: Get out.
Max: I'm...
Wanda: Get out. Get out.

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Penelope Quotes

Max: Good God, he licked me.
Lemon: Edward, don't lick Max.

Annie: So what are you hiding from the law or is it just a bad nose job?
Penelope: Mhm, bad nose job.