It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.

Saul

I'm chill as a cucumber.

Dale Denton

Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have anorexia. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dick!

I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.

Red

Okay, guys, I know I sold y'all out, and I've been a real son of a bitch, and a shitty friend. Saul, I'm talking to you. Dale, you're a new friend, but, uh, I can make it up, okay? I forgot "bros before hos."

Red

Dale Denton: In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, because from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever, we are not very functional when we're high.
Saul: Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was, like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you say to that?
Dale Denton: Well, that would be true if you had saved me. But you didn't save me. She was gonna help us, but you made things worse. Now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy shit!

Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friend. You are my drug dealer, the only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic!

Red: I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?
Dale Denton: Well, you've been shot like seven times.

SaulSilver: You still got that bong I got you when I was in Tel Aviv?
Red: Hell yeah, Bong Mitzvah! Hit it up, dude!

Saul: BFFF?
Dale Denton: Best Fuckin' Friends Forever, man!

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Pineapple Express Quotes

Couscous - the food so nice they named it twice.

Dale Denton

Saul: No... I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even.. a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box, he only comes out.

Pineapple Express Review

Pineapple Express would work better as a series of YouTube clips. There are a few funny moments - the first time Seth Rogen's character...

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