Angie Anderson: Fuck you Dale. I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?
Dale Denton: Like two and a half.
Angie Anderson: Two and a half? What the fuck does that mean? Your hand doesn't count.

Saul: It's like, if you took that Blue Oyster shit I gave you last week, and then that crazy African Kush I had that one time.. and they had a baby. And then meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light shit I had, and that Red shit I had, made a baby. And by some crazy miracle, those two babies got together, and fucked... this would be it!
Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Oh. Wow. This is the product of baby fucking.

I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.

Red

Today's my cat's birthday.

Red

Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have anorexia. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dick!

I'm chill as a cucumber.

Dale Denton

Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friend. You are my drug dealer, the only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic!

Has anyone seen my bigger knife?

Ted Jones

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for nine minutes. How do you feel?
Private Miller: I feel like a slice of butter... melting over a... big ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.

Saul: Man, why'd we have to go to the woods?
Dale Denton: Well you didn't come up with any ideas!
Saul: Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's.

It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.

Saul

I may look tough, but I got a lot of feelings...and you hurt...damn near every one of them.

Matheson

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Pineapple Express Quotes

Couscous - the food so nice they named it twice.

Dale Denton

Saul: No... I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even.. a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box, he only comes out.

Pineapple Express Review

Pineapple Express would work better as a series of YouTube clips. There are a few funny moments - the first time Seth Rogen's character...

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