Red: Man, just listen: I would just appreciate it if both y'all would just take your shoes off; I mean, this is brand new carpet, you're tracking mud in here - Matheson, you've got British Knights on. I ain't seen anybody wear them since 1987!

What the fuck, man? You shot me in my stomach! I'm gonna die now, probably. Man, I had y'all over for dinner! Fish tacos! This is how you do me?

Red

Dale Denton: In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, because from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever, we are not very functional when we're high.
Saul: Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was, like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you say to that?
Dale Denton: Well, that would be true if you had saved me. But you didn't save me. She was gonna help us, but you made things worse. Now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy shit!

Saul Silver: Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbie in a nice retirement home.
Dale Denton: Oh, yeah, she must be proud of you for that.
Saul Silver: She is really proud of me, and I'm gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot, what the hell do you do?

Dale Denton: I'm gonna get us out of here!
Saul Silver: No. You're not. But it's okay.

Red: I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?
Dale Denton: Well, you've been shot like seven times.

SaulSilver: You still got that bong I got you when I was in Tel Aviv?
Red: Hell yeah, Bong Mitzvah! Hit it up, dude!

Saul: BFFF?
Dale Denton: Best Fuckin' Friends Forever, man!

When my foot was in the hole - and my groin - man, I felt like a wishbone.

Saul

Dale Denton: Yeah, except if you're a dick your whole life, you're going to come back as shit. Or a slug or a fuckin' anal bead. But if you do something heroic, then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or fuckin' Jude Law. Now which would you rather be, an anal bead or a dragon?
Red: Mmm... probably the anal bead... depending on who it belongs to.
Dale Denton: It belongs to me.

There's a fly in the ointment, shits hittin' the fan, the lion will speak!

Saul

Mr. Edwards: Oh, yeah, Clark's a great guy. He'll take good care of Angie.
Dale Denton: You know what, why don't you go fuck yourself, you weird little prick?
Mr. Edwards: Hey, I'm a teacher! You can't say that to me!
Dale Denton: Yeah? Well, I'm not a student here, so I can say whatever the fuck I want, you cheap little bastard!

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Pineapple Express Quotes

Couscous - the food so nice they named it twice.

Dale Denton

There's a fly in the ointment. Shit's hittin' the fan. The lion will speak!

Saul Silver

Pineapple Express Review

Pineapple Express would work better as a series of YouTube clips. There are a few funny moments - the first time Seth Rogen's character...

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