Red: I'm trying to decide how stoned I am and just how on the verge of death am I right now. Like, am I seeing shit because I'm stoned or because I have no blood left in my body?
Dale Denton: Well, you've been shot like seven times.

Dale Denton: I'm gonna get us out of here!
Saul Silver: No. You're not. But it's okay.

Saul Silver: Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbie in a nice retirement home.
Dale Denton: Oh, yeah, she must be proud of you for that.
Saul Silver: She is really proud of me, and I'm gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot, what the hell do you do?

Dale Denton: In case you haven't noticed, which you haven't, because from what I can tell, you don't notice anything ever, we are not very functional when we're high.
Saul: Well, I don't know, man. I think I'm functioning right now. I was, like, stoned when I saved you with those slushies. What do you say to that?
Dale Denton: Well, that would be true if you had saved me. But you didn't save me. She was gonna help us, but you made things worse. Now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy shit!

What the fuck, man? You shot me in my stomach! I'm gonna die now, probably. Man, I had y'all over for dinner! Fish tacos! This is how you do me?

Red

Okay, guys, I know I sold y'all out, and I've been a real son of a bitch, and a shitty friend. Saul, I'm talking to you. Dale, you're a new friend, but, uh, I can make it up, okay? I forgot "bros before hos."

Red

Red: Man, just listen: I would just appreciate it if both y'all would just take your shoes off; I mean, this is brand new carpet, you're tracking mud in here - Matheson, you've got British Knights on. I ain't seen anybody wear them since 1987!

I feel like the nerd at the sleep-over that fell asleep at nine.

Red

I used to use this gun when I was a prostitute.

Red

Sit yo sexy ass down, so you can watch yourself die!

Matheson

I may look tough, but I got a lot of feelings...and you hurt...damn near every one of them.

Matheson

It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.

Saul

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Pineapple Express Quotes

Couscous - the food so nice they named it twice.

Dale Denton

Saul: No... I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even.. a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box, he only comes out.

Pineapple Express Review

Pineapple Express would work better as a series of YouTube clips. There are a few funny moments - the first time Seth Rogen's character...

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