Gale: Why ain't you breast-feeding? You appear to be capable.
Ed McDonnough: Mind your own bid'ness.
Evelle: Ma'am, you don't breast-feed him, he'll hate you for it later. That's why we wound up in prison.
Gale: Anyway, that's what Doc Schwartz tells us.

H.I.: What are you talkin' about, Glen?
Glen: What am I talkin' about? I'm talkin' about sex, boy, what the hell you talkin' about? I'm talkin' about l'amour! I'm talkin' that me and Dot are swingers, as in "to swing." I'm talkin' about wife swappin'. I'm talkin' about what they call nowadays open marriage. I'm talk...
H.I.: [Knocks Glen out] Keep your damn hands off my wife!

Nathan Arizona Sr.: If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a- hoppin'. Look, it is exactly 8:45 in the PM. I'll be down at that store in exactly 12 hours to kick me some butt. Or my name ain't Nathan Arizona!

Say, did you hear about the person of the Polish persuasion who walked into a bar with a big 'ol pile of shit in his hands and he says, "Look what I almost stepped in"?


H.I.: A man for a husband.
Ed McDonnough: That ain't no answer.
H.I.: Honey, that's the only answer.
Ed McDonnough: That ain't no answer.

Ed McDonnough: We finally go out with decent people and you break his nose. That ain't too funny, Hi.
H.I.: His kids seemed to think it was funny.
Ed McDonnough: Well they're just kids.

H.I.: Do you ever get the feeling that there's something... Powerful pressing down on you?
Glen: Yes, I know that feeling... and I told Dot to lose some weight but she don't wanna listen!

This is Gale and Evelle Snoats. As fine a pair as ever... broke and entered!


Nathan Arizona Sr.: If you're looking for furniture or a shitbox, out there is the sales floor.
Leonard Smalls: I'm not a customer. I'm a man hunter. But I do hunt babies on occasion. I heard tell you got one you can't put your hand to.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: How do you know about that?
Leonard Smalls: That's my job. I'm a tracker. Some say part hound dog.

Here you are sitting on your butt playing house with a... Don't get me wrong, H.I., a fine woman but one who seems like she needs one of those button-down types.


I know you're partial to convenience stores, but dammit, H.I., the sun don't rise and set on the corner grocery.


Evelle: I got me some baby grub, baby wipes, diapers, them disposable kind. I also got a package of balloons.
Gale: They blow up into funny shapes and all?
Evelle: No, just circular.

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Raising Arizona Quotes

[to baby] And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.


Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.