H.I.: Do you ever get the feeling that there's something... Powerful pressing down on you?
Glen: Yes, I know that feeling... and I told Dot to lose some weight but she don't wanna listen!

This is Gale and Evelle Snoats. As fine a pair as ever... broke and entered!

H.I.

Nathan Arizona Sr.: If you're looking for furniture or a shitbox, out there is the sales floor.
Leonard Smalls: I'm not a customer. I'm a man hunter. But I do hunt babies on occasion. I heard tell you got one you can't put your hand to.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: How do you know about that?
Leonard Smalls: That's my job. I'm a tracker. Some say part hound dog.

Here you are sitting on your butt playing house with a... Don't get me wrong, H.I., a fine woman but one who seems like she needs one of those button-down types.

Gale

I know you're partial to convenience stores, but dammit, H.I., the sun don't rise and set on the corner grocery.

Gale

Evelle: I got me some baby grub, baby wipes, diapers, them disposable kind. I also got a package of balloons.
Gale: They blow up into funny shapes and all?
Evelle: No, just circular.

Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming, $25,000. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too!

Glen: Say, that 'minds me. What are going to name him?
H.I.: Uh... Ed. Ed, Jr.
Glen: But I thought you said it was a boy?
H.I.: Ed as in "Edward." We just like that name!
Glen: Yeah it's a good one.

Dot: Where's that baby? Where's he at?
Glen: [smacks Dot on the ass] Go find him, honey!
Dot: [smacks Glen with her purse] Cut it out, Glen!
H.I.: [quietly] He's asleep right now.
Glen: [rubbing his jaw] Shit! I hope we didn't wake it!

Ed McDonnough: [taking H.I.'s mug shot] Turn to the right!
H.I.: What kind of name is Ed for a pretty thing like you?
Ed McDonnough: Short for Edwina. Turn to the right!
H.I.: You're a flower, you are. Just a little desert flower.

I'm in here on my knees, Ed, a free man proposing. Howdy, Kurt.

H.I.

H.I.: I think the wife and me are splitting up. Her point is that we're both kind of selfish and unrealistic, so we're not really good for each other.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Well, ma'am, I don't know much, but I do know human beings. You brought back my boy, so you must have your good points, too. I sure hate to think of Florence leaving me. I do love her so. You can go out the way you came in. Oh, and before you do another foolish thing like busting up, I suggest you sleep on it. At least for a night.

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Raising Arizona Quotes

[to baby] And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

H.I.

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

H.I.