Ed McDonnough: [taking H.I.'s mug shot] Turn to the right!
H.I.: What kind of name is Ed for a pretty thing like you?
Ed McDonnough: Short for Edwina. Turn to the right!
H.I.: You're a flower, you are. Just a little desert flower.

H.I.: Need a beer, Glen?
Glen: Does the Pope wear a funny hat?

Policeman: What did the pajamas look like?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: I don't know ... they were jammies! They had Yodas 'n' shit on 'em!

There's right and there's right and never the twain shall meet.


Gale: Why ain't you breast-feeding? You appear to be capable.
Ed McDonnough: Mind your own bid'ness.
Evelle: Ma'am, you don't breast-feed him, he'll hate you for it later. That's why we wound up in prison.
Gale: Anyway, that's what Doc Schwartz tells us.

Gubmint do take a bite, don't she?

Payroll Cashier

H.I., you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?


Evelle: Gale? Um, Junior just had a ... an accident.
Gale: What's that, pardner?
Evelle: He had hisself a little ol' accident.
Gale: What do you mean? He looks okay.
Evelle: No. You see, moving though we are, he just went and had hisself a little ol' rest stop.
Gale: [sniffs the air] Well, that's natural.

You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.

Leonard Smalls

Dammit, are you boys gonna chase down your leads or are you gonna sit drinkin' coffee in the one house in the state where I know my boy ain't at?

Nathan Arizona Sr.

Sometimes it's a hard world for small things.


Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.

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Raising Arizona Quotes

[to baby] And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.


Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.