Ed McDonnough: [sobbing, taking H.I.'s mug shot again] Turn to the right.
H.I.: What's the matter, Ed?
Ed McDonnough: My "fy-ance" left me.
H.I.: [narrating] She said her fiancé had run off with a student cosmetologist, who knew how to ply her feminine wiles.
H.I.: [out loud] That sumbitch. You tell him, I think he's a damn fool, Ed. You tell him I said so - H.I. McDonnough. If he wants to discuss it, he knows where to find me: in the Maricopa County Maximum Security Correctional Facility For Men State Farm, Road Number 31, Tempe, Arizona! I'LL BE WAITIN'! ... I'll be waitin'.

Ed McDonnough: This ain't family life!
H.I.: Well... it sure ain't "Ozzie and Harriet."

You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.

Leonard Smalls

Biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless.

H.I.

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Raising Arizona Quotes

[to baby] And this here's the TV. Two hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

H.I.

Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.

H.I.