Legalize it

Deputy Clementine Johnson

Your watch is stuck in my pubes.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

I became a police officer because my doctor told me I needed to get out of the house more.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Can't you just give me a pitty fuck?

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

[repeated line] What the fuck, man?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle

I'm pooping!

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

You guys here for the suck-fest?

Motel Owner

Deputy Clementine Johnson: You need to go to the store and get me some cranberry juice cuz it's gonna be one of those days!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Uh oh, yeast infection time!

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Reno 911!: Miami Quotes

Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.

You guys here for the suck-fest?

Motel Owner