Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us...
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest, were here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention, a suckfest convention.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Why was your hand on my dick?
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: I dreamt that I was driving in the Indie500!

This hotel reminds me of a place you'd want to go to get a good ol' fashioned raping or a down-home murder!

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Terry, when you're here, you're an ambassador for Reno.
Terry: Heavy on the assador!

Deputy Clementine Johnson: You need to go to the store and get me some cranberry juice cuz it's gonna be one of those days!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Uh oh, yeast infection time!

Deputy Clementine Johnson: Let me in, I don't have a key to this door.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It's open. You ok?
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh, I'm in love.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey, you've got a bandage on your teat.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: A love bandage.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, I mean an ace bandage.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh my God, if I've been stabbed, I'm gonna be so pissed!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Does anybody have any ideas?
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What about... a phone... you can smell through...

I had to pee, so I did the pullover thing, but I think I dribbled.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

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Reno 911!: Miami Quotes

Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.

You guys here for the suck-fest?

Motel Owner