Can't you just give me a pitty fuck?

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

[after being tortured by weed whacker] Who brings a weed wacker on a boat?

Drug Lord's First Hostage

I became a police officer because my doctor told me I needed to get out of the house more.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Your watch is stuck in my pubes.

Deputy Trudy Wiegel

Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.

Reno is a lot like Mayberry on the TV except that everyone's on crystal meth and prostitution's legal.

Deputy Travis Junior

Legalize it

Deputy Clementine Johnson

There's no "immunity" to bullets!

Jeff Spoder

FREE Movie Newsletter

Reno 911!: Miami Quotes

Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [looking back] Noone was in it.

You guys here for the suck-fest?

Motel Owner