I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.

Gayle Sweeny

I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shape things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...

Danny

It's not that I don't like you, I just don't like to eat with other people.

Danny

Danny: Man, why do you bow for that guy?
Augie Farks: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh he rules the entire realm? Oh my bad.
Danny: Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?

Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort!

Gayle Sweeny

[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.

Danny

Danny: No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet.
Wheeler: She let me keep it after I fucked her.

You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.

Wheeler

Wheeler: I don't have crabs! What have you been telling these kids?
Ronnie: That you have crabs.

Gayle Sweeny: Did Wheeler ever expose himself to you?
Ronnie: Hell, no!

Gayle Sweeny: Watch your language, Ronnie.
Ronnie Shields: My language is English and this mother fucker tried to grab my junk.

I've heard of popcorn in the face, but this is ridiculous!

Martin Gary

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Role Models Quotes

Ronnie: Suck it, "Reindeer Games"!
Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.
Ronnie: You white, then you Ben Affleck.
Wheeler: You *are* white.
Danny: That's true, I am white.

Danny: Pick us up in two hours.
Ronnie: Fuck you, Miss Daisy.

Role Models Review

In the interest of full disclosure: we love Paul Rudd. A lot. Dude seriously makes us laugh. So we were attracted to Role Models before...

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