I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.

Gayle Sweeny

I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shape things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...


It's not that I don't like you, I just don't like to eat with other people.


Danny: Man, why do you bow for that guy?
Augie Farks: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh he rules the entire realm? Oh my bad.
Danny: Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?

Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort!

Gayle Sweeny

[while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.


Danny: No, no. It's not a cow. It's a a minotaur. It's a creature of myth. And he got this one out of your mom's closet.
Wheeler: She let me keep it after I fucked her.

You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.


Wheeler: I don't have crabs! What have you been telling these kids?
Ronnie: That you have crabs.

Gayle Sweeny: Did Wheeler ever expose himself to you?
Ronnie: Hell, no!

Gayle Sweeny: Watch your language, Ronnie.
Ronnie Shields: My language is English and this mother fucker tried to grab my junk.

I've heard of popcorn in the face, but this is ridiculous!

Martin Gary

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Role Models Quotes

Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's italian. Congratulations you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?

Ronnie: Suck it, "Reindeer Games"!
Danny: I'm not Ben Affleck.
Ronnie: You white, then you Ben Affleck.
Wheeler: You *are* white.
Danny: That's true, I am white.

Role Models Review

In the interest of full disclosure: we love Paul Rudd. A lot. Dude seriously makes us laugh. So we were attracted to Role Models before...

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Rating: 4.5 / 5.0 (6 Votes)