Well, if I do change my mind, you'll know because my breasts will be heaving and moist with perspiration.

Roxanne Kowalski

[C.D. is helping Chris with his first letter to Roxanne]
C.D. Bales: Let's take a look at that letter...
Chris McConnell: I think it's really good!
C.D. Bales: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to have a drink sometime? If you do, check this box."

Jim: Heard you're tough.
C.D. Bales: I am. But if you used a little tenderizer, I might cook up pretty good.

I would rather be with the people of this town than with the finest people in the world.

Mayor Deebs

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Roxanne Quotes

Dixie: What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
C.D. Bales: Huh?
Dixie: It's a riddle. What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?
C.D. Bales: I don't know.
Dixie: A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.
C.D. Bales: What's the point?
Dixie: The point is that sometimes the answer is so obvious, you don't even realize it. It's as plain as the nose on your face. You should tell her!
C.D. Bales: Tell who, what?
Dixie: Tell Roxanne that you love her.

I would rather be with the people of this town than with the finest people in the world.

Mayor Deebs