Best play ever, man.

Mr. Littlejeans

Rosemary Cross: Is this fake blood?
Max Fischer: Yes, it is.

Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.

Dirk Calloway

I don't give a shit about the barracudas, fuck it! I'm building it anyway.

Max Fischer

[during his play "Heaven and Hell"] Maybe We'll meet again someday... [holds up a peace sign] When the fighting stops.

Max Fischer

Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.
Rosemary Cross: Hi.
Max Fischer: Hi.

Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?
Max Fischer: It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.

Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today.

Max Fischer

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Rushmore Quotes

[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer

Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?