Kids don't like it when their parents get divorced.

Herman Blume

[to Max] I just wanted to say, I'm sorry I threw rocks at you that day.

Dirk Calloway

[to Rosemary] We both have dead people in our families.

Max Fischer

[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer

Herman Blume: Indefinitely. I'm being sued for divorce.
Concierge: Very good sir.

Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these.

Herman Blume

Dr. Peter Flynn: I understand you're a neurosurgeon.
Bert Fischer: No, I'm a barber, but a lot of people make that mistake.

Architect: Mr. Blume, how are Ronny and Donny enjoying military school?
Herman Blume: They love it.
Magnus Buchan: Lucky bastards.

Magnus Buchan: [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!
Max Fischer: Is that Latin?

I always wanted to be in one of your fuckin' plays.

Magnus Buchan

Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

Max Fischer

Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?
Herman Blume: I don't know.
Max Fischer: Over ten million?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer: Good, good.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.

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Rushmore Quotes

[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer

Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?