Darren: I don't think I'm gonna be real comfortable with these things on my nipples.
Wayne: I can put 'em on your balls.
Darren: The nipples are fine. Nipples work.

[to Wayne] There is no right girl for you! And if you've already met her, she's probably either killed herself, or become a lesbian.


Judith: I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.
Wayne: I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power drill.
J.D.: It's true!

Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith: That's right.
Wayne: I'm in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.

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Saving Silverman Quotes

J.D.: [bringing a box of videos to Judith] Hey, I brought you some more videos. You've got your choice: porno's or monster trucks. Oh, and I got one that's both.

Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining
J.D.: God! What is their PROBLEM?