Damnit, Vakidis! Learn fucking English!

Jackie Moon

If you see an opposum, kill it. It’s not a pet.

Jackie Moon

Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.

Jackie Moon

Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

It's like the Titanic but with bears!

Jackie Moon

Suck my cock! I'll kill your family!

Jackie Moon

It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.

Jackie Moon

Who the fuck is Bambi?

Clarence 'Coffee' Black

Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.

Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

ELE! Everybody love everybody!

Jackie Moon

Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette?
Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink.

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Semi-Pro Quotes

Damnit, Vakidis! Learn fucking English!

Jackie Moon

Dick Pepperfield: How did you learn to play basketball?
Jackie Moon: I saw it on TV a couple times, I thought I could do that.