Dick Pepperfield: How did you learn to play basketball?
Jackie Moon: I saw it on TV a couple times, I thought I could do that.

I , Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.

Jackie Moon

I am great at free throws. Seriously, free throws are, like, my best thing.

Jackie Moon

I've never been traded for a washing machine before. Until now.

Ed Monix

Dick Pepperfield: I am here with owner/player/coach, Jackie Moon, and two of the Flint Tropics Ball girls. Hello ladies.
Jackie Moon: You are a little tongue tied now aren't ya Dick?
Dick Pepperfield: *Laughing* No no no, no no no. Mrs. Pepperfield is watching this, she watches all the broadcasts, and I just want you to know that I have no interest in these ladies what-so-ever. I think they are appalling.

Cover your sodas! Dewey loves sugar!

Jackie Moon

Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.

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Semi-Pro Quotes

Who the fuck is Bambi?

Clarence 'Coffee' Black

Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.

Jackie Moon