Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

Who the fuck is Bambi?

Clarence 'Coffee' Black

I , Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.

Jackie Moon

Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.

Jackie Moon

I am great at free throws. Seriously, free throws are, like, my best thing.

Jackie Moon

I've never been traded for a washing machine before. Until now.

Ed Monix

Dick Pepperfield: I am here with owner/player/coach, Jackie Moon, and two of the Flint Tropics Ball girls. Hello ladies.
Jackie Moon: You are a little tongue tied now aren't ya Dick?
Dick Pepperfield: *Laughing* No no no, no no no. Mrs. Pepperfield is watching this, she watches all the broadcasts, and I just want you to know that I have no interest in these ladies what-so-ever. I think they are appalling.

It's like the Titanic but with bears!

Jackie Moon

Cover your sodas! Dewey loves sugar!

Jackie Moon

It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.

Jackie Moon

If you see an opposum, kill it. It’s not a pet.

Jackie Moon

Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Semi-Pro Quotes

Who the fuck is Bambi?

Clarence 'Coffee' Black

Everybody panic! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love tender meat.

Jackie Moon