Lynn: You think I've forgotten that you cheated on me twice?
Monix: I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.

Jackie Moon: There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence 'Coffee' Black: So what's the plan?
Jackie Moon: Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on Tv.
Bee Bee Ellis: What the hell is that?
Jackie Moon: It's eyeliner dummy. Now who's first? Monix?
Monix: Oh yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.

ELE! Everybody love everybody!

Jackie Moon

Jackie Moon: In the anals of history people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.

Dick Pepperfield: Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette?
Lou Redwood: No. I like to smoke when I drink.

No refunds, consider your refund escaping this death trap with your lives!

Jackie Moon

Dick Pepperfield: How did you learn to play basketball?
Jackie Moon: I saw it on TV a couple times, I thought I could do that.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Semi-Pro Quotes

Suck my cock! I'll kill your family!

Jackie Moon

I've never been traded for a washing machine before. Until now.

Ed Monix