Cock it!

Ed

Ed: You gonna thank me then?
Shaun: For what?
Ed: Tidying up!
Shaun: Doesn't look that tidy.
Ed: Well, I had a few beers when I finished.

Barbara: My, how you've grown!
Ed: Yeah, you'd better believe it.

Ed: Do you want your messages?
Shaun: What?
Ed: Well, your mum rang about you going around tomorrow night, and then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight.
Shaun: *What*?

Would anyone like... a peanut?

Liz: Goodbye, Ed. Love you.
Ed: Cheers!
Shaun: I love you too, Ed.
Ed: Gaaayy!

Ed: See? You don't need Liz to have a good time.
Shaun: Oh, don't, man.
Ed: No! Go ahead, look at me. Can I just say one more thing? I'm not gonna say, you know, there's plenty more fish in the sea. I'm not going to say if you love her, let her go. And I'm not going to bombard you with clichÈs. But what I will say is this?
[chuckling]
Ed: It's not the end of the world.

This one comes with a basic sort of digital package, uh, you got your Lifestyle Channels there, a bit of "Trisha," um, you got "Entertainment" - don't know what that is. News. All the basic, uh, news channels.

Shaun: It's not that I don't wanna spend time with you, cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.
Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

Shaun: I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my mum, roommate, and girlfriend all in one day...
Liz: Who said I was taking you back?

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Shaun of the Dead Quotes

As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he was talking about.

Shaun

Shaun: David, kill the Queen!
David: What?
Shaun: The jukebox!