Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!


Joe: [trying to get Jerry to face reality regarding his engagement to Osgood] Jerry, Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.
Jerry: I'm a boy.
Joe: That's the boy.
Jerry: [coming around] I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?
Joe: What engagement present?
Jerry: Osgood gave me a bracelet.
Joe: [takes it and inspects the stones with Beinstock's glasses] Hey, these are real diamonds!
Jerry: Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.


Jerry: Have I got things to tell you!
Joe: What happened?
Jerry: I'm engaged.
Joe: Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?
Jerry: I am!

Jerry: Now you've done it! Now you have done it!
Joe: Done what?
Jerry: You tore off one of my chests!

Sugar: Water polo? Isn't that terribly dangerous?
Junior: I'll say. I had two ponies drowned under me.

Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!
Jerry: [Jerry notices the badge of an undercover agent at a nearby table] Joe...?
Joe: Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.
Jerry: Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

Sig Poliakoff: You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!
Joe: What are you looking for - hunchbacks or something?
Sig Poliakoff: It's not the backs that worry me.

Sweet Sue: Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant! Beinstock, I ought to fire you!
Beinstock: Me? I'm the manager of the band, not the night watchman.

We're up the creek and you want to hock the paddle!


Osgood: You must be quite a girl.
Daphne: Wanna bet?

Mulligan: You better bring a check in case the joint is raided.
Waiter: Who's gonna raid a funeral?
Mulligan: Some people got no respect for the dead.

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Some Like it Hot Quotes

Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.


Sugar: Been waiting long?
Junior: [gallantly] It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!