Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.

Hey! I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!

Princess Vespa

Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!

Colonel Sandurz

You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let's see how well you handle it.

Dark Helmet

Colonel Sandurz: What shall we do now, Sir?
Dark Helmet: Well, are we stopped?
Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break?
Colonel Sandurz: Very good, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got'em.

Lone Starr: Barf! Barf! BARF!
Barf: Always when I'm eating!

[breathes heavily, Darth Vader-style] I can't breathe in this thing!

Dark Helmet

Lonestar: Just one more dune.
Barf: That's what you said three dunes ago.

Self-Destruct Voice: This ship will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, six...
Dark Helmet: Six! What happened to seven?
Self-Destruct Voice: I'm just kidding!

Well, what have we got here? Will you look at her? Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks, those trembling lips. You know something Princess? You are *ugly* when you're angry.

Lone Starr

Lone Starr: I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
Yogurt: Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.

Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

Dark Helmet

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Spaceballs Quotes

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Dark Helmet