Colonel Sandurz: They must have hyperjets on that thing.
Dark Helmet: And what do we have on this thing? A cuisinart?

Dark Helmet: What did you do? You turned it off!
Colonel Sandurz: Turned off what? I just turned off the screen.
Dark Helmet: No, you didnt! You turned off the movie!

Yogurt: I am the keeper of a greater power, a power known throughout the universe as the...
Barf: ...the Force?
Yogurt: No, the Schwartz!

Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?

Lone Starr

Commanderette Zircon: Shall I have Snotty beam you down, sir?
President Skroob: I don't know about this beaming stuff? Is it safe?
Commanderette Zircon: Oh yes, sir. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful.

Hey! I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!

Princess Vespa

Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!

Colonel Sandurz

You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let's see how well you handle it.

Dark Helmet

Colonel Sandurz: What shall we do now, Sir?
Dark Helmet: Well, are we stopped?
Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break?
Colonel Sandurz: Very good, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got'em.

Lone Starr: Barf! Barf! BARF!
Barf: Always when I'm eating!

[breathes heavily, Darth Vader-style] I can't breathe in this thing!

Dark Helmet

Lonestar: Just one more dune.
Barf: That's what you said three dunes ago.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Spaceballs Quotes

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Dark Helmet