Kirby: It's true love, my friend.
Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.

Kevin: Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.
Alec: Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.

You know there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that.

Kevin

Kirby: You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?
Kevin: Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.
Kirby: It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.
Kevin: Says who?
Kirby: Anyone who's been in love.
Kevin: Love sucks.
Kirby: So does your attitude.

Kirby: There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.

No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.

Wendy

Jules: I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.
Wendy: That doesn't leave much.

You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have fallen into!

Kevin

Kirby: Why do they put ice in the urinals?
Kevin: It tastes better.
Kirby: Bah Dum bum ching.

Leslie: Alec is becoming a Republican... and he wants to get married! Oh, my God!
Jules: I always knew he was a Republican!

I should have had a vasectomy at birth! Let me tell you something Al, you ever have boys, do them a favor and get them neutered straight away. If they ever knock up some little slut, they're the ones who're fucked! Fucked for life! I hate you, you little bitch!

Billy

So you lost your job? I've lost 20 since graduation. Plus a wife and kid. And, in a new development this morning, a handful of hair in the shower drain.

Billy

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St. Elmo's Fire Quotes

Wendy: We're really worried about this affair with your boss.
Jules: I don't know why you're both so worried... So, I bop him for a couple of years, get his job when he gets his hands caught in the vault, do a black mink ad, retire in utter disgrace, then write a best seller and be a fabulous host on my own talk show...

Kirby: I always thought we'd be friends forever.
Kevin: Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.