No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.


Kirby: There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.

Kirby: You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?
Kevin: Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.
Kirby: It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.
Kevin: Says who?
Kirby: Anyone who's been in love.
Kevin: Love sucks.
Kirby: So does your attitude.

You know there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that.


Kevin: Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is obsolete.
Alec: Dinosaurs are obsolete. Marriage is still around.

Kirby: It's true love, my friend.
Kevin: Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.

Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.


Dale: Kirby! How are you?
Kirby: I'm obsessed thank you very much.

Alec: You cannot have the Pretenders' 1st album! That's mine.
Leslie: I bought it.
Alec: You did not! You can have all the Billy Joels... except The Stranger.
Leslie: I'm taking Thriller and Mahler's ninth.
Alec: Kevin is so fond of Mahler.
Leslie: I moved in with Jules.
Alec: Oh how nice, rommies again... No Springsteen is leaving this house! You can have all the Carly Simons.
Leslie: You got me those for Valentine's Day. Remember?
Alec: You ran out on this relationship. You take the consequences.
Leslie: I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.

Alec: You walked out on this relationship.
Leslie: I didn't walk out. You walked out.
Alec: You fucked Kevin!
Leslie: You fucked many!
Alec: Nameless, faceless many.
Leslie: Thank you. I feel much better now.

Men... Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.


Jules, y'know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge.


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St. Elmo's Fire Quotes

Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.


Alec: You're being arrested for drunk driving.
Billy: Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving