[narrating] Why was Harold talking to this man? This man... was an idiot; this man used words like "wibbly-wobbly" and "convo", and explained that trees were trees. Of course trees were trees; Harold knew that trees were trees.

Karen Eiffel

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Aren't you relieved to know that you're not a golem?
Harold Crick: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.

Karen Eiffel: [narrating] Little did he know that this simple seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death.
Harold Crick: What? What? Hey! HELLOOO! What? Why? Why MY death? HELLO? Excuse me? WHEN?

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Hell Harold, you could just eat nothing but pancakes if you wanted.
Harold Crick: What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live! I mean, who in their right mind in a choice between pancakes and living chooses pancakes?
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Harold, if you pause to think, you'd realize that that answer is inextricably contingent upon the type of life being led... and, of course, the quality of the pancakes.

[narrating] This is a story about a man named Harold Crick and his wristwatch.

Karen Eiffel

Penny Escher: I will gladly and quietly help you kill Harold Crick.
Kay Eiffel: And this coming from someone who's never thought about leaping off a building.

This might not mean anything to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

Harold Crick

Dr. Jules Hilbert: The thing to determine conclusively is whether you are in a comedy or a tragedy. Have you met anyone who simply might loathe the very core of you?
Harold Crick: I'm an IRS agent. Everyone hates me.
Dr. Jules Hilbert: Well, that sounds like a comedy!

[talking to Ana while holding a cardboard box with multiple small paper bags inside] I brought you flours.

Harold Crick

Little did he know. That means there's something he doesn't know, which means there's something you don't know, did you know that?

Dr. Jules Hilbert

Dr. Jules Hilbert: Because he's real?
Kay Eiffel: Because it's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die. And then dies. But if a man does know he's about to die and dies anyway. Dies- dies willingly, knowing that he could stop it, then- I mean, isn't that the type of man who you want to keep alive?

Harold Crick: It's not schizophrenia! I just hear a voice in my head
Dr. Mittag-Leffler: It's schizophrenia

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Stranger Than Fiction Quotes

Apology accepted. But only because you stammered.

Ana Pascal

Karen Eiffel: [narrating] Little did he know that this simple seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death.
Harold Crick: What? What? Hey! HELLOOO! What? Why? Why MY death? HELLO? Excuse me? WHEN?