Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin?
Fogell: Old enough.
Officer Michaels: Old enough for what?
Fogell: To party.

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.

Nobody has gotten a hand job in cargo shorts since 'nam!

Seth

[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.

Seth

Nobody has gotten a B.J. in cargo shorts since Vietnam!

Seth

I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan."

Seth

Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, funny thing about my back, is it's located on my cock.

I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Evan

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.

Evan

Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site.
Seth: Yeah, but the problem is that they don't actually show the dick going in the pussy. Have you ever seen a pussy by itself?
Evan: No.
Seth: I dunno, it's not for me.

Fogell: Well, when I got there it was either this or Muhammad.
Evan: Why would you even pick Muhammad.
Fogell: For your information, Muhammad is the most commonly used name on the planet.
Evan: Fogell, have you ever even met anyone named Muhammad?
Fogell: Have you ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: NO! That's why it's a stupid, made-up, fucking fairy tale name!

Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.

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Superbad Quotes

Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin?
Fogell: Old enough.
Officer Michaels: Old enough for what?
Fogell: To party.

Nobody has gotten a B.J. in cargo shorts since Vietnam!

Seth