I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan."

Seth

Seth: [referring to Evan's mother] I am truly jealous you got to suck on those tits when you were a baby.
Evan: Yeah, well, at least you got to suck on your dad's dick.
Seth: [shrugs] It's a nice lookin' dick.

[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.

Seth

Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin?
Fogell: Old enough.
Officer Michaels: Old enough for what?
Fogell: To party.

I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Evan

Nobody has gotten a B.J. in cargo shorts since Vietnam!

Seth

Becca: I'm so wet right now.
Evan: Yeah... they said that would happen in Health Class.

Hey, man, I was doing some research for next year and I think I figured out which website I wanna subscribe to. The Vag-Tastic Voyage.

Seth

Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, funny thing about my back, is it's located on my cock.

Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

Fogell: Well, when I got there it was either this or Muhammad.
Evan: Why would you even pick Muhammad.
Fogell: For your information, Muhammad is the most commonly used name on the planet.
Evan: Fogell, have you ever even met anyone named Muhammad?
Fogell: Have you ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: NO! That's why it's a stupid, made-up, fucking fairy tale name!

Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: You would too... if you were a man.

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Superbad Quotes

[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.

Seth

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.