I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.

Evan

I arrested a man-lady who was legally named Phuck.

Officer Slater

I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.

Evan

Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

Fogell: Well, when I got there it was either this or Muhammad.
Evan: Why would you even pick Muhammad.
Fogell: For your information, Muhammad is the most commonly used name on the planet.
Evan: Fogell, have you ever even met anyone named Muhammad?
Fogell: Have you ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: NO! That's why it's a stupid, made-up, fucking fairy tale name!

It's like a division sign.

Evan

Becca: I'm so wet right now.
Evan: Yeah... they said that would happen in Health Class.

Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: You would too... if you were a man.

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: Breast Reduction Surgery? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back-problems, man.

Oh my God! That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my life! Can you tell it again, do you have time?

Seth

Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.

You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't of slept with that guy?' We could be that mistake!

Seth

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Superbad Quotes

I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan."

Seth

Officer Michaels: How old are you McLovin?
Fogell: Old enough.
Officer Michaels: Old enough for what?
Fogell: To party.