I am gonna give you the best blow J. With my mouth.


Fogell: What's it like to have a gun?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.

Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site.
Seth: Yeah, but the problem is that they don't actually show the dick going in the pussy. Have you ever seen a pussy by itself?
Evan: No.
Seth: I dunno, it's not for me.

You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy.


Momma's making a pubie salad, and she wants some Seth's own dressing.


You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.


McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?

Officer Slater

Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well, funny thing about my back, is it's located on my cock.

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.


Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... uh... African?
Liquor Store Woman: Was he African? He was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: Breast Reduction Surgery? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back-problems, man.

It's like a division sign.


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Superbad Quotes

[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.


Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.