Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: I didn't realize that.

Fogell: What's it like to have a gun?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.

You know how many foods are shaped like dicks? The best kinds.

Seth

Prepare to get fucked by the long dick of the law.

Officer Michaels

Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.

Evan

Seth: I drew dicks.
Evan: Like a man dick?
Seth: Yes, like a man dick.
Evan: That's supergay.

Fogell: Can we shoot at it?
Officer Slater: I don't know...
[pause]
Officer Slater: Can you?

Evan: Yeah chicks go nuts for that... the male camel toe.
Seth: Yea yea! The camel tail.

Seth: Hey Greg, why don't you go piss your pants?
Greg the Soccer Player: [turning around] That was like 8 years ago, asshole!
Seth: [yelling] People don't forget!

Liquor Store Clerk: Is there a problem here sir?
Fogell: [shakes head] No.
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the spilled beer on the floor] Sir, did you do this?
Fogell: No, no I didn't and you should really clean this up, someone could really hurt themselves
[walks away]
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down at the floor and shakes his head a little] Fuck my life

Officer Michaels: [out of breath] He's a freak...
[panting]
Officer Michaels: He's the fastest kid alive...

Becca: [drunkenly making out with Evan] I *so* flirt with you in math.
Evan: Tell me about it. I - same-sies.

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Superbad Quotes

[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.

Seth

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.