I arrested a man-lady who was legally named Phuck.

Officer Slater

Oh my God! That's the coolest fucking story I've ever heard in my life! Can you tell it again, do you have time?

Seth

Evan: I heard she got breast reduction surgery.
Seth: Breast Reduction Surgery? That's like slapping God across the face for giving you a beautiful gift.
Evan: She had back-problems, man.

It's like a division sign.

Evan

Becca: I'm so wet right now.
Evan: Yeah... they said that would happen in Health Class.

Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.

You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't of slept with that guy?' We could be that mistake!

Seth

I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan."

Seth

Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.

Officer Michaels

McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?

Officer Slater

Officer Michaels: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?
Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming."

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.

Evan

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Superbad Quotes

[imitating Becca] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.

Seth

Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... and like, I have to hide every erection I get.