Uncle Albert: [lovingly] Your thighs look like warm cottage cheese someone threw up on the sidewalk.
Aunt Lucille Adams: And you've always had a tiny penis.
Uncle Albert: Well, what does it matter when you're in love?

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• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Uncle Albert: With great power comes... ow!
Rick Riker: Try to breathe!
Uncle Albert: I can't. You're kneeling on my crotch!

• Permalink: With great power comes... ow! Try to breathe! I can't. You'...
• Rating: Unrated

Uncle Albert: With great power comes... ow!
Rick Riker: Great responsibility? Try to breathe!
Uncle Albert: I can't. You're kneeling on my balls!

• Permalink: With great power comes... ow! Great responsibility? Try to br...
• Rating: Unrated

I'm not wearing any diamonds!

Rick Riker

• Permalink: I'm not wearing any diamonds!
• Rating: Unrated

Uncle Albert: Oh I love you, my wife.
Person at funeral: Sir, that isn't your wife.
Uncle Albert: Who's is it then?
Person at funeral: It is his.
Uncle Albert: Give me five minutes.

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• Rating: Unrated