On November 1st, 1959, the population of New York City was 8,042,783. If you laid all these people end to end, figuring an average height of five feet six and a half inches, they would reach from Times Square to the outskirts of Karachi, Pakistan. I know facts like this because I work for an insurance company - Consolidated Life of New York. We're one of the top five companies in the country. Our home office has 31,259 employees, which is more than the entire population of uhh... Natchez, Mississippi. I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861.

C.C. Baxter

Fran Kubelik: Shall I light the candles?
C.C. Baxter: It's a must! Gracious living-wise.

C.C. Baxter: The mirror... it's broken.
Fran Kubelik: Yes, I know. I like it that way. Makes me look the way I feel.

J.D. Sheldrake: Ya know, you see a girl a couple of times a week, just for laughs, and right away they think you're gonna divorce your wife. Now I ask you, is that fair?
C.C. Baxter: No, sir, it's very unfair... Especially to your wife.

When you're in love with a married man, you shouldn't wear mascara.

Fran Kubelik

That's the way it crumbles... cookie-wise.

C.C. Baxter

Fran Kubelik: I never catch colds.
C.C. Baxter: Really? I was reading some figures from the Sickness and Accident Claims Division. You know that the average New Yorker between the ages of twenty and fifty has two and a half colds a year?
Fran Kubelik: That makes me feel just terrible.
C.C. Baxter: Why?
Fran Kubelik: Well, to make the figures come out even, if I have no colds a year, some poor slob must have five colds a year.
C.C. Baxter: Yeah... it's me.

C.C. Baxter: You hear what I said, Miss Kubelik? I absolutely adore you.
Fran Kubelik: Shut up and deal...

Miss Kubelik, one doesn't get to be a second administrative assistant around here unless he's a pretty good judge of character, and as far as I'm concerned you're tops. I mean, decency-wise and otherwise-wise.

C.C. Baxter

Just because I wear a uniform doesn't make me a girl scout.

Fran Kubelik

Premium-wise and billing-wise, we are eighteen percent ahead of last year, October-wise.

Kirkeby

Why do people have to love people anyway?

Fran Kubelik

FREE Movie Newsletter

The Apartment Quotes

Fran Kubelik: Shall I light the candles?
C.C. Baxter: It's a must! Gracious living-wise.

Be a mensch!

Dr. Dreyfuss