What the fuck is this shit?

Kelly

Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

Minions!

Eli

Excuse me.
[makes out with Danielle]

Matthew

Mr. Peterson: [while getting lap dance] So, what was the scholarship for?
Matthew: Moral fiber.

I'm in so much trouble.

Matthew

Dude, am I ugly?

Klitz

[to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.

April

Danielle: Thank you.
Matthew: For what?
Danielle: I never went to prom.

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The Girl Next Door Quotes

Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

Excuse me.
[makes out with Danielle]

Matthew